where do we go from here // frodo, pippin & sam

[legolas]

Mithrandir had... fallen. Fallen; because that was what had happened in all actuality, and Legolas would not use the word that described the orcs they'd left strewn, broken, and bloodied about the caverns to describe the great wizard who was no longer with them. He had little understanding or control over the feelings that flooded his being from the moment realization of the balrog hit him. The concern that they had found the foe they would not outmatch and all would meet their end, and the grief that came when three of them saw light at the end of the tunnel. It had been all he could do to not intervene in some way at the wizard's request, to not run forward despite his words, and think to keep the hobbits from doing the same. He still wondered had that been the right decision. In his mind, he knew that the quest and it's success was a mission greater than any one of them, greater than all of them, but in his heart, he hated it. That it had come to such a matter of priority. And a life was lost with no guaranteed promise that a thousand others would be saved.

Though he'd longed for the sun and stars since they first entered the mines, emerging again was a bittersweet experience with the sweetness largely deluded. As a warrior, he was familiar the idea of a calm before a storm. Before every battle there was a sense of peace that one may take as a blessing or an ominous sign, depending on their own personal strength. There was another kind of calm that came once the battle reached its end and that was one hardly fathomable by even the strongest of beings. And that was where the present member of the fellowship found themselves. Rather lost, rather hopeless, and largely without guidance to know how to carry on. What the hobbits could express in their faces was what Legolas couldn't in words. He was in one sense sympathetic, another curious, but mostly seeing them very largely set him in tune to his own sadness for which he'd masked previously but now could not do away with.

He ushered them on past the opening in the mountainside but to an area where the ground was still shielded by stone. They as a whole did not have strength to press the journey longer, and Legolas did not want to go to far when there was still a chance the others may catch up. They would not be able to make it out the same way for the bridge was gone but if they did see light on this side of the mountain, in this direction they would most surely travel. How long it was wise to tarry he did not know. Eventually, trouble would find its way to them. But with the immediate threat and adrenaline gone, there was little they could do now but attempt to gather their bearings and wait. If he were knowledgeable of the words that might ease his passing for them all he'd have uttered them, but there was nothing which could justify or pacify what they had all just witnessed and what they were still expected to do.

[frodo baggins]

Nothing had gone right since the fellowship had departed from Rivendell. Frodo felt as if it was all crashing down. The fellowship's purpose was gone. They had already failed. After all, many of them were still out there somewhere. And Gandalf was gone. The one who had made Frodo feel somewhat secure even with all the darkness...gone. Words could not begin to describe the anguish the hobbit was in knowing that he was to blame for them all going into Moria. Boromir had said there was another way. And yet, because Frodo was so distrusting of the man, he wouldn't listen. And now everything was ruined. When they had crossed the bridge, Frodo had tried to go back for Gandalf, but had been stopped. He had watched in horror as the old wizard was pulled down from the remainder of the bridge into shadow. Legolas led them out, but to where Frodo didn't even pay attention. He trusted the elf much more than he trusted many of the other members of the fellowship. Unlike some of his companions, the elf never seemed to be influenced by the ring, and he seemed to have a reasonable response for most decisions made. Even now he had not lost control of what they needed to do, which was get away from the mines. While Frodo could sense that Legolas must be grieving, he knew that it wouldn't stop the elf from doing what was necessary.

Frodo followed after Legolas with a numbness that went through both his body and his mind. The wound he had received on his leg in that battle was hardly noticeable a pain in comparison to the grief that overwhelmed him. Even as they managed to get to an area guarded by stone, he was unable to register the pain in his leg, until he realized they had stopped to rest, and as if his legs knew it, they collapsed on the spot. There was no way he could make that look as if he did it on purpose, but the hobbit caught himself enough to position himself comfortably on the ground, his injured leg stretched out in front of him so he could see what he needed to mend. The wound wasn't cut too deep which was good, but it did hurt now that he had the time to process the injury. Sure, the hobbit had felt it initially when he had been injured, but after that they had to fight their way out of the mines and he couldn't let it stop him. At least it seemed as if it had stopped bleeding a while ago. Frodo used what little strength he had left to look through his belongings for anything that might help. He finally found something, a handkerchief or something like it that he had brought with him from Bag End. Frodo hadn't really thought he'd need it much on this journey, but now he was glad he had brought it. The hobbit gently placed it against his injury and tied it to his leg. For now that would be enough to keep him from getting uneasy, or letting the cut reopen and bleed out more.

After taking care of the only thing that he had to deal with, he glanced at the others who were left with him, and continued to wonder why he had decided that them coming with him was a good idea. At the time he was told to bring companions with him to keep him safer than he was, but it still upset him that they had been put through such danger. And one of them may not have even made it out alive. If Merry or any of the others that were not with them were dead, Frodo wasn't sure he'd ever forgive himself. Well, he already couldn't do that with all the pain they had gone through. And Gandalf's death upset him to the point where he wished he could do anything but continue this awful quest. But he remembered the conversation they had had before and knew that wasn't up to him. Frodo had said and still thought the same thing..."I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened." But Gandalf had said to him, "So do all who live to see such times but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." Frodo remembered Gandalf believing that he was meant to have the ring as Bilbo was meant to find it, but it didn't encourage him the way it did the old wizard. All that Frodo and the ring had brought was death. He wasn't sure he could continue to bear the ring to Mount Doom. But then he remembered why he was doing it in the first place. To save the Shire. That mattered more than many other things in the world.

Now that he had taken care of his injury, Frodo sat apart from the others, to collect his thoughts as well as to keep them from further harm by being close to him. Tears streamed silently down his face as he sat facing the way they had come from, glancing at the mountain that contained the mines as if what had happened was just a terrible nightmare, that any moment Gandalf and the other members of the fellowship would walk out from them completely unharmed. But Frodo knew in his heart that it was not true. Gone. They were all gone. And it's all my fault, he thought to himself, as he quietly settled and waited...

[peregrin took]

Too much had gone on in too short a time for Pippin to truly have a grasp at all that had just happened. He was a hobbit that could appreciate a little adventure here and there, could wake up in the early morning or run around the backcountry without any complaint back before... before. He'd been eager, excited even, to be a part of the fellowship when the chance arose- but what had happened since their departing of Rivendell were things Pippin thought only possible in stories. And in the mines, he'd stared in suspense as one might at the very climax of a good tale. The 'good part' of the story, as he'd always seen it when other people told them, wasn't such a good thing when it was really happening to you. No, earth shattering monsters and orcs and flames and the great heroic death were nothing that this hobbit was going to take lightly ever again. But, after every climax there was always that part where everything became okay and everyone lived happily ever after. So.. that just needed to happen... Now. If only because half the times he got under Gandalf's skin he hadn't meant it, and if it had been his fault that the rocks fell, he hadn't meant that either. And if he could take it all back and never do anything foolish again he would, even if it would be boring and he knew it would only last a few days.

Until then, Pippin faired little better than Frodo in hiding his distraught, staring out at the cave entrance or exit or whatever you could wish to call it, sniffling every so often and waiting for Gandalf or someone else or everyone else to come on out. Certainly, they would, all of them, all together. Merry and Strider and all the others. Even Gandalf, because he hadn't been stabbed or shot of anything fatal like that. He'd only fallen in with the balrog, and Pippin had fallen a number of times in his life from this and that and been alright, just with a few bumps and bruises and sore spots for a few days.. and this was Gandalf they were talking about. He was a wizard, and that had to count for something..somewhere..to whoever was counting. To whoever that was, he wished with all of his mind and all of his heart that they would hurry up, because he wasn't really alright, and Frodo wasn't really alright, and he reckoned that even Legolas wasn't really that alright either. But, if their friends returned, than they could be okay a little bit faster, and carry on with this ridding the world mission.. quest.. and then this sort of thing wouldn't happen anymore. (And he guessed that then they'd have to start making up stories, which he'd like a lot better, now that he knew how not good the real ones were).

"They're taking an awful long time. Do you think they're alright?" He hadn't meant to break the silence. He didn't even know exactly who he was talking to. Frodo was off by himself and Legolas was off a little and he just.. he didn't mean to. He was as worried as they were and as full of grief as they were but he wasn't used to keeping it all up to himself. He didn't know just how to do that. He looked between the group again and wiped his eyes. "When do you think they're going to come out? Can they- well, there are other ways out of the mines, aren't there? Not just the one we...uh..well broke." Pippin didn't even consider that the remainder of the fellowship might have been lost in the rockslide, or a fight, or something else that might have kept them from even looking for a chance out. By his logic, they just needed something to find them, because they were lost and needed to be found. If they knew where they were coming from.. well he didn't know, but he'd like to know. He looked over again. The lack of change in the last few minutes was disheartening. But maybe, maybe Frodo, he was closer, he would have picked up something. It was not -repeat- was not possible that Merry wasn't alright and wasn't on his way out of the mines. He just wouldn't have it. Not yet and not later. "You don't see them yet, do you?"

[samwise gamgee]

Too much has happened in a short amount of time; lives have gone missing, battles have been fought, bridges have been destroyed! It was an overload slowly starting to build up in Sam’s head. His speed slowly decreased and he fell behind the group hoping he would be the first to see the missing. The aroma surrounding the four of them was so depressing that that alone almost made Sam go into insanity. Nothing but the chirps of birds and the rustling of rodents were breaking the silence that lied around them. The cave at which he hates is the place that he wants to be most, searching for the others not considering all the injuries and fatalities there must be.

Sam retreated to a corner trying to hide his fear and weakness. As the memories of the last battle replayed over and over again, all he could do was think how he was of no help during the last fight for survival. Instead he stood at a distance and watched as his friends risked their lives to guarantee safety for all of them. No matter how pathetic this thought may be, Sam wished it was he who sacrificed his life for the life of Frodo, Pippin, and Legolas. Not much for a heroic warrior, something Sam might never become.

Seeing as every one of them were as depressed as Sam was, he made an attempt to cheer everyone up but all that left his lips was a mouth-full of air. Returning to his shameful corner, he listened as Pippin began asking the questions that had no need to be answered. There was one point where Sam wanted to yell out, “There is no way they will catch up! If they are even alive, they are problem trying to find their way back to the main entrance of the cave. Why would they walk straight towards trouble? If they heard a battle, sure, they will run towards it. The only problem is for them to catch up, they would need to cross the bridge which is now sitting at the bottom of a giant ditch.”

Knowing not what to say, Sam chose the most appropriate for this time, “Everything is going to fall into place. The others will catch up and even Legolas knows that, otherwise he wouldn’t be slowing us down, right Legolas? We will see the others, destroy the ring, and return home.” With a sympathetic plea, Sam turned to Legolas and asked for reassurance hoping he would have the answer, “Right, Legolas?”

[legolas]

Legolas stood slightly aside the hobbits, watching as they each retreated into their own and allowed themselves to react, however it was individually he would not further explain. Aside from their grief they were all sporting reminders of the fight and their time in the mines -he was no exception- though the worst appeared to be the injury Frodo had obtained to his leg. It did not quite go past Legolas how it pained him the way here, though he could not bring himself to disturb the hobbit in bringing it up even as he went to the ground and took note of it himself. Despite the situation, Frodo had the wits to provide binding for it, which Legolas found commendable. It did not exactly solve the problem, but for the moment it was acceptable enough. So long as another of their members was not in grave condition than maybe their victory could see something more than a memorial.

The overwhelming loss crept upon him again and he shut his eyes and bowed his head, effectively separating himself from the world which he was observing. Though the surrealism of the situation he was not for a moment put off by and the facts he could not for a moment ignore, everything aside was a painful emptiness of which no answers were provided. And truthfully, he was content to ask no questions. The other members of the fellowship however were not as content. It didn't come as a surprise to him that Pippin was the one to first break the relative silence. Never in the past had an inopportune situation given him cause to hold his tongue. The questions posed were not entirely unreasonable ones either, although, they did reflect the youth's impatience, and.. were truly not ones that any of them could answer with certainty.

It was Samwise who made the attempt and, in slightly more of a surprise, asked of Legolas something of which he was certain he could not do. He understood almost immediately that Samwise meant well, but in attempt to assure Pippin sought assurance himself, and sought that assurance from him of all people - which wasn't once again unreasonable in the least. But he could not so easily assure the hobbits when in all reality he knew nothing more than they did of how the others fared. And he could not so easily lie to the hobbits, which a simple yes or no would provide them. He did believe that it was entirely possible the others were alive and well -he had faith in them as individuals- and would be seeking them out any moment. But he knew that that was not the likeliest of options, and they could not count on it so to wait. He could not make a promise which would only cause more pain. "I... can not say yet." He turned away from Sam's pleading face with dismay and almost appall at himself, entirely feeling as if he'd done something wrong and as had failed to live up to a role. He did not know what it was he was supposed to have known, but the fact he didn't know it did little in strengthening his faith in their direction.

[frodo baggins]

If it were up to Frodo, he would have been content to simply wait out the night in silence. In truth, he preferred it that way, because then he could respect the dead and think about where to proceed from this moment on. While the others held hope that the rest of their party was alive, Frodo could not. After all, Gandalf had fallen. What was to keep the others from meeting that fate as well? Pippin's words struck a chord within him, and it was all the hobbit could do not to snap at him for saying what he did. Maybe it wasn't just the grief and the anguish that he felt, but also the influence of the ring that made him want to yell at Pippin. But it definitely would not help the situation. It would only create more tension, and then Frodo would come to regret his words quickly. But he did wish that Pippin knew when to respect the silence. Sometimes they all just needed that to think, and to grieve in peace. Frodo's last bits of hope had vanished the moment Gandalf had fallen from the bridge, and he didn't think it would likely return. And still they had to continue. Well, actually...Frodo had to continue. As Elrond had said, none of them were bound by an oath or bond forcing them to continue any further than they wished. And why would they wish to continue such a perilous and miserable journey? The hobbits especially....they didn't need to do this. They could return to the Shire and live out their days in peace. They didn't need to go on and suffer for it.

Frodo was just about to open his mouth and tell them so when Sam spoke, and he realized how wrong it would be to say such a thing at this moment. They were all already miserable. Him telling them he didn't want them to come with him anymore would only worsen that feeling, despite the fact that Frodo really wanted his friends to be safe. There was nothing he could do about his fate....it was understood that he was the ringbearer, and it was his job to keep trying to get to Mordor, no matter what the danger. But Sam....Pippin......Merry....none of them needed to come along. Frodo was surprised by Sam's words. They comforted him a little even though he knew the chances were slim that the others had actually made it through. Perhaps he did hold a slimmer of hope yet, but he didn't want to let that hope build to nothing. But Sam's assured way of saying they'd destroy the ring was what surprised the older hobbit the most. He watched Sam carefully, wondering how it was that he could still have that opinion. Frodo doubted the likelihood immensely....yet Sam said they would destroy the ring and return home. Frodo was unable to think that way. Perhaps Sam's presence was a good thing, even if Frodo preferred he be able to return to the Shire and be with Rosie as he often spoke of. Frodo wished he could go on and live a normal life in the Shire. As for Frodo....well he felt sure that this quest would claim his own life. For him it didn't matter as long as he could help save the Shire. The Shire was his motivation even in the darkest of times.

Frodo glanced over at Pippin, remembering that he had spoken to him and shook his head, not wanting to say too many words in case he said something he'd regret. "No. I see nothing. I would not trust to hope." Frodo suggested softly, not wanting to dishearten him, but rather have him be prepared for the worst, if the worst did come and the others never returned. Frodo felt as if that could be the only outcome of the horrible rockslide and then the consequent separation. Then again, it was possible that they were simply unsure of the way out as Gandalf had been the one to guide them originally. Maybe the other members of the fellowship were simply trying to find another way. But that meant assuming that they were actually alive. And Frodo didn't think that was possible. How could they be? Frodo wished he could see a solution there, but as far as he was concerned there was none. "Sam....don't burden Legolas with questions none of us can answer." Frodo blurted before he really stopped to think about it and regretted it instantly. Not because he had been really rude, but he hadn't said what he was thinking in a gentle tone as he should have. Frodo did his best to keep from overwhelming the other hobbits with his darker thoughts, but the least he thought that they could do was respect that not even Legolas or Gandalf if he were still around could say where the others were.

[peregrin took]

Pippin wasn't really surprised that most of his questions went unanswered. He was used to it, and in fact, he was almost sure he'd rather not have heard what some people had to say to them. They probably didn't think the others were okay and on their way out, and he couldn't blame them, even thought he'd rather they didn't. He knew deep down that nobody knew for sure when would happen (he wasn't even completely clear on what had happened), but they had to hope, right? Pippin thought so. There wasn't much else they could do right now. But Frodo seemed to have other thoughts. Though he knew Frodo was just being honest, and have every reason not to be in the cheeriest of moods, the words still stung a little. Frodo didn't believe. "But we have to.." He wanted to yell until they all listened and all realized that nobody was dead, but he just whispered instead, the words kind of breaky, kind of trying not to agree with Frodo because that wouldn't be good at all. Some good he could convince everyone else when he wasn't even sure himself.

Sam was at least trying. Pippin nodded eagerly at his words, gravitating a bit from Frodo to Sam, when the hobbit promised (or well, assumed) things would be okay. The others would come out, and they would destroy the ring, and they would return back to the Shire and everything would be fine. Sam wasn't a liar and he was usually very realistic -grounded and smart and things like that- so Pippin decided to believe him. He felt a bit bad when Sam put Legolas on the spot though. He hadn't meant to make anyone else feel bad like it seemed he just did. He'd been trying to do just the opposite. But then Frodo snapped that Sam shouldn't have asked because nobody knew, and though Pippin knew that (that seemed to be the only thing everyone could say.. agree on..think..know) he still didn't want to believe it. And he couldn't help argue it. "He just asked. Someone has got to know. If they don't then what are we going to do?"

That's when it dawned on him. They didn't know. Didn't know, didn't know. They couldn't just... they couldn't just sit and wait. And they couldn't go without them. And they couldn't go back to look for them. They had a few hobbits and an elf and apparently nobody knew anything and they had a ring that could make or break the future of all Middle Earth. He wanted to be here. Even now there wasn't a doubt in his mind. But he didn't like just sitting around and waiting. He was no good at it, and it wasn't doing anything for anyone. He wanted to know what was going on. And he wanted Merry. And he wanted everyone to stop saying that the others were dead or stuck or lost or anything. He just wanted them to come out so they could all laugh about this. Yeah, that's it. Gandalf and Merry...of course. A joke. (If he was going to be in denial he was going to go all out with it). Any second now.. it was going to happen. And then they'd all see. And everything would be normal again. That's what he wanted, most of all. He'd never imagined that anything bad could happen to anyone. Sure, they'd all said it, but he'd just... it didn't seem possible. And even now that it was happening and had happened, there was always a happy ending. Always. He stood up on a rock and looked out. He didn't normally like to think this way about his friends, but Frodo this time just had to be wrong.

[samwise gamgee]

Sam stood aside as the argument that arose out of nowhere began to grow like a forest fire. It seemed that everyone was releasing the emotions that they worked so hard to hide. The only one who seemed to keep his troubles to himself was Legolas. Sam assumed that Legolas didn’t want to make matters worse by giving his side of the argument. Ignoring Frodo’s remark about Sam’s curiosity, he began to slip into his own thoughts. Sam knew that if they returned to the mountain, it is not guaranteed that they would be able to return to this spot themselves. If they stayed here, who’s to say that the others aren’t already on their way back to the Shire? Not to mention that it is only a matter of time before the orcs catch their trace. There was only one option and Sam did not want to be the one to break the news, but he knew no one else would, “It’s about time that we start heading off! I know that each and every one of us wants to find the others but if faith is in our favor, then our paths will cross again and we will all be united! What good does it do us sitting around all day hoping for the unreasonable? I say we finish what we started, because if we do not, everyone’s sacrifices would have been for nothing. Sure we could just head home to safety and live out our lives, but then what did Gandalf die for, huh? What was the point of this entire journey? I say we get some rest and head off at nightfall!”

Sam stood, shocked at his own words, wondering how everyone would react to the lecture that had barely escaped his lips. Shamefully, Sam began to back away from the group waiting for whatever fait had in store for him! As fear began to overpower Sam’s mind, he looked up to the mountain top in an attempt to draw his mind to the thought of the others’ safety. What Sam said was true; he was of no use waiting here and hoping that everything would work out. In reality, almost nothing works out. Sam couldn’t figure out what he was more fearful of: the group’s reaction or the path that waits ahead of them. Even if the others became furious with Sam, he knew it was only a matter of time before they came to their senses and made the decision to continue on. Sam took a deep breath, turned towards the other three, and waited to see what would turn up from this!

[legolas]

With all that had gone on, a dispute among the hobbits was not without warrant, however it was last thing any of them appeared to need. Now more than ever they could stand to stand along side each other, but Frodo sought solitude, Samwise sought security, and Peregrin assurance- three things that circumstances alone could not provide. "It's alright." he spoke on Frodo's outburst; though he could not say anything of great use to Sam he did not wish the hobbit kept his concerns to himself. He'd heard supposedly that talking about these things was good. "It does not hurt anyone that he asked."

He supposed the rash reactions to some degree could have been considered a type of hurt; grief in itself was a pain that was more disabling than many an injury. The thoughts occurred to each of them in different stages, the hope was there and then it left, and it was hard to get a handle on what they really could do. Samwise spoke up, with a new found sense of purpose to move forward. Legolas felt it was largely for Frodo's benefits and not his own, as that was the type of person Sam was. He knew the hobbit would not be abandoning his close friend or his quest very easily. And it was admirable that he held to that standard even in the face of the greatest adversity. Sam and Frodo were an unlikely pair at first glance, but when thought about, well complementing of one another.

The question as it was, with Samwise's words, was was faith really in their favor? Was it their destinies that had fallen into place before them, and if it wasn't, was it a fight that they could still win? Giving up, they would never know. And in that respect, though Sam's words were little more than words of comfort, they held some truth. Mithrandir had... died -the word still didn't sit right in his head- and to not press forward would be a disrespect. There wasn't any way they could go back and change what had happened, regardless of friendships, of promises, of anything- but they could continue. In fact, it was the one and only option. He looked to the other members of the Fellowship. "Is that something we can all agree upon?"